Make Your Child Listen but do not drive yourself crazy in trying to do so.
Adults with all reasoning skills, do not listen to advise or instructions. How could we expect a child to listen and heed all that we say or request. Children do and very lovingly hang on to every spoken word of parents. For a while, parents were considered as the number-one pal and confidant?
Then, like a green leaf turning brown, this same child turns to ignoring parents as a new “art in practice” and even simple requests like “Please turn off the TV” or “Put your shoes on the rack” become pulse beating, mind-numbing repetitions in differing tones.
This is no deliberate act of a child driving an adult insane. This change of behaviour can be maddening. The child’s new behavior has more to do with a new sense of self and is not about how the child feels about his or her parents.
As early as age 5 or 6 and up to age 8 or so, children begin to experience an increasing sense of control over their own lives. Their focus is beginning more than ever before on the outside world around them. It is as though more and plenty of interesting things are going on out there. Parents are no longer their point of focus. Other children, other people, friends, fashion, trends and sports become focus of attention.
This selection of “deafness” to calls and instructions is not of defiance but a way for them to test limits of independence. It is a method of dealing with new pressures and responsibilities. Children this age spend most of their time in a nursery, child care centre and school. Children are taking and following instructions. It becomes demanding upon the child. Opportunity to flex, de-zone, de-stress and exercise their own choices become less and limited.
Therefore the comfort, safety and assurance at home, is the only place giving them the chance to “exert” and assert themselves. Often, the way they do that is by acting as if their parents have faded into the furniture.
However, parents can regain their child’s ears without losing voice or cool. Yelling to get attention won’t do either of you much good. First thing to recognize is that your child isn’t purposely trying to undermine you. Your child is acting his or her age. You van try the following steps and these will help you.
1. Avoid times when the child is glued to a favourite activity or when enjoying the TV or a video game. Respect their time.
2. Ask to repeat your instruction. This helps them remember what they need to do.
3. Make your presence known. It is easy for them to ignore what you say. Sometimes a simple tap on the shoulder or placing yourself between child and whatever they are focused on, makes the difference.
4. A little drama or humor helps as the spark that ignites listening.
5. Avoid the echo of calling your child’s name over and over again or the endless repeating of any instruction.
6. Sit the child. Let him or her know that you’re willing to remind him of your request once, and that he or she will have to deal with the consequences if there is no response.
7. Another option is to use counting as a timer for action. Tell that on the count of five, the need to need to stop or do something. Reinforce the five count warning with a reward.
8. If there is no heed to instruction or paying attention, the next step might be to enforce until they come up with a suggestion or plan for being a better listener.
9. Choose your words and create a message that concentrates on things that really matter. Children are more likely to listen and cooperate if they feel that parents are only asking them to do the really important things like homework and some family chores.
10. Listen to your child. Children give attention to whoever who pays and give attention to them. Do focus on things that may appear to be insignificant, but matter most to a child. Listening makes them important. In turn you become important to them.
If you want to learn how to get your child to behave and listen… instantly… in any situation, without freaking out, raising your voice, pulling your hair out, or hurting your child’s feelings, go and download The Complete Happy Child Guide.